Review – Ad Astra – We only have us.

What’s more important? The big outside or the small internal? Or are such notions just limits we set our minds on? And at the end big or small doesn’t matter, just how we feel about it?

The question of are we alone in the universe vs spending time with the people we love.

To get an almost impossible task done, one has to be almost machine like. But is that necessary? Can one balance feeling, emotions and be focused on a task? I think it’s possible but Ad Astra breaks down doing vs feeling and sets up a battle of sorts between both.

A form of toxic male masculinity is addressed throughout the film personified by Roy’s relationship with his father. One of the most complex one to one human relationships imo. I know this from the relationship I have with my father and the relationship my father had with his.

For men often is the question when do we let go? When do we be completely vulnerable? Is it OK to be vulnerable? Are we weak if we get sidetracked from our task that we set out to do?

How focused can a person be? Is there such a thing as being too focused on a task to the detriment of everything else? What if the task is the survival of the human race? Is that a sacrifice worth making? The thought crossed my mind that at 0-3 years old is when we decide as parents on how focused we want our children to be. How we treat them when it comes to completing a task and how well that task is done. And that setting is something they will carry on through their lives.

Watching the scene where Roy went off script and had his first (seems like his first) heart to heart talk with his dad made me feel like writing a love letter to my dad. I cried during that scene. To wait for my dad to open up and to tell me how much he loves me, I’ve given up and feel that will not happen ever. Someone has to begin that process and the chances are much more likely it happens with me writing and expressing myself rather than my father first.

To muster up all the reasons I love my dad. I find it hard because at the surface, when I think of my father, I do remember the physical activities we did together, but we hardly ever did connect emotionally or mentally even. The only time I’ve ever seen my dad be vulnerable and cry out loud was at his mother’s funeral. The first and last time. That was about 20 years ago. My issues with being vulnerable, connecting and expressing myself emotionally both internally and externally to a large degree among of course other things is related with this aspect of my relationship with my father.

Having said this, there is a whole epic scene where Roy had to physically (and emotionally) let go of his father and make peace that there comes a point where one has to let our dads go and continue living. But there is forgiveness, love and understanding to be had before that point is reached.

Ad Astra can be summed up with what Roy said to his father,”You found your answer, all we have is us.” in response to Clifford’s soliloquy on his quest to find alien life. To not be alone in this universe. We have to realise the infinite is within maybe more so than without.


Technical review

I watched this in IMAX but just didn’t like the blurry look. Not a fan of the film blurry look for this film. Maybe they were trying to sell the 70s retro alternate universe tech and thought the blurry film look went with it. The design which I loved had a 70s steam punk feel to it. One of the best extrapolations of modern technology into a scifi story with its own 70s moon landing Saturn feel to the design.

Hoytema who is one of my fav DPs did an excellent job with the closeup framing. Together with Gravity, this is the best film to depict space walking and actually being there and feeling what Roy felt going through what he went through during all those moments where his nerves of steel was put to the test. And this happened plenty of times. Also maybe because I was on the 6th row from the IMAX screen. Only thing is I wish they’ve finally found a way to portray zero gravity that’s not hanging someone from a rope from a ceiling. My mind kept filling in the invisible rope that was rotoscoped that they might as well didn’t bother with the rotoscoping. I’m thinking filming in ultra clear distilled water to portray zero g.

Also I wish they had used the sharpest lens they could get their hands on, like Master Primes with a Red 8K monstro camera. That’s how I would have shot it. What a waste not doing so. The IMAX footage looked like badly shot 1080 blown up to fill the screen. Sigh.

Also excellent music by Max Richter and Nils Frahm. There were shades of Sunshine, Interstellar, Gravity, Blade Runner 2049 and Space Odessey here. All good things. I’m adding this to my top 10 scifi films of all time. Shame on the film shooting vs Red Monstro 8K though.

Journal – The Boys, Homelander

Best superhero on TV/film thus far. And here’s my laser eyes homage to Homelander. Both the TV character portrayal and the acting by Antony Starr. The little micro facial expressions that reflect the inner anguished layers of Homelander.

Laser eyes done right finally. Wish it was more like Man of Steel laser but what it does this is the best so far. Why best? He’s everything Superman isn’t.

Also all the scenes in The Boys have completely blown out skies. So basically no skies in The Boys.

Thoughts 20180920

In a world where the technological singularity has arrived, it would seek to experience as much as it possibly can in as realistic a manner as possible. So it would simulate all forms of reality and experiences and live it all within it’s memory banks using algorithms so advanced it would be indistinguishable from reality. This experience of living would be every kind of consciousness simulation ideally, but since the machine is made by humans it would simulate human lives first and hopefully move on to other forms of life whose consciousness is just as valid as the human one, animals, insects, plants, and on to even objects we currently do not consider as having our limited humanistic definition of consciousness (eg, stones, atoms, the quantum world ad infinitum). And if humans keep living and advancing AI, there is a possibility that we would be able to simulate all of reality. And that reality is the universe we now live in.


Write about my experience shooting Aqerat. About not being appreciated etc. And the power of being appreciated and recognised for our vision. To be acknowledged, not the payment. Is all we as cinematographers ask for. Share on cinematography websites all. Ask no film school to feature article. On operating a camera and being in the zone. A kind of meditation actually for me. I need a lot to occupy my mind so it can be in focus. Like how some people need to do yoga to meditate. To occupy their bodies so their minds can be free because it isn’t so distracted by the body. On the magic of

My journey as a cinematographer. How I started, all my adventures. Kinabalu, Italy, Seoul, Indonesia documentary, working with mj lol. Interning.

Start with being visual as a kid. Was good at Physics because I could visualise it. But maths was too abstract and the numbers didn’t mean something to me after a while,

The idea of a creator and meaning, greater purpose is tempting because we fear the void. Thus is left for the brave to face the void oneself and to decide then what to do when faced with. Jump in? Let it flow past? Do nothing? Doing nothing is impossible in front of the void. Do nothing long enough in front of the void and one becomes the void. Maybe that. Become the void.


How would you want your simulation in the future to be based on all your digital output now?


Covered in more pussy than the day you were born.


Your mama so fat, last night I had to roll her up in flour and aim for the wet spot!


I load the data into my being and I am born again,

I can’t believe how conservative parents in America are. But of course the country actually made Trump president. It figures. Teach em about the intricacies of their sexuality, life, rights as a human, love and being and set them free with loads of condoms. Knowing when, why and how to let go is one of the mysteries to master with parenting.

Anyone out there know programming enough to code a virus code that continues to troll the net for all information and think about that information intelligently? A beginning of the singularity of sorts. A virtual God who just doesn’t give pre digested answers but makes up new original ones.

The rich get richer from the middle income using pump and dump. The middle incomes sell as soon as the price of stocks drop cause they are afraid to lose money while the rich buy more at the lower price cause they have more expendable income and holding power. Rinse and repeat.

To rise above the limitations of my self’s definition of reality.

Living multiple lives ad infinitum,

The many experiential layers multiplying internally and externally, merging and emerging,

The infinity box generating an infinite amount of lives and experiences,

I am the surface upon which these are reflected off,

I cannot tell if I am the infinity box or I am a surface receiving the projections off it,

There is not right or wrong, no morality, no limits,

No judgement,

Only being,


All possible experiences become one and one experience becomes all.


Reference – The Singularity Is Near (PDF by Ray Kurzweil)


Header Art by Alex Grey


Time travel. How far into the future can we or I see? Create the future by imagining it now. AI projecting different images into different people.

Suresh 112072012814


Been desktopping since 1996, yeah dial up modem (55.6 Kbps download speeds) lol. Every titty jpg I downloaded was precious. Cause it took a couple of minutes to download. First desktop was a monochrome Intel 286 chip with a turbo button that goes from 20mhz to 40mhz. I still remember humming in my head the airwolf theme song just before it fires its missiles and destroys any lil fuck in its way when i pressed that button.

Mouth – stones – vinyl record – cassette – mp3 – streaming – what’s next?

The more vulnerable I allow myself to be, the more I allow myself to grow as a person.

Life is too short if you’re an artist. Say what you need to say before you dead. A shoutout to some of my fav artists, Kurt Cobain, Freddy Mercury, Amy Winehouse,

Instead of trying to decide between black or white shoes, why don’t Malaysian schools have a compulsory class to treat emotional and family trauma? People who need it most don’t have the luxury of such treatment.

Anything observed long enough becomes everything.

The mind ignores constants over time by default.

If you could go back in time, which time would it be? And forwards, when? And why?

How long do you think the human race will last and why?

The only questions worth asking are the ones no one dares asking.

Will humans one day create an AI so advanced, we basically can create us?

The greatest job in the universe is being a mother.

How culture fucks us up.

Ozymondias Byron poetry covenant

Lol my blog from 2000. I can’t believe about 20 years ago. Takes some time to load on mobile but lol thanks Google, you still haven’t deleted it. I was obsessed with Firefox back then lol. I used to get obsessed with software. Because it was open source and anti Microsoft. People just used to use internet explorer back then. Lol remember explorer? Remember blogs?

Drops of jupiter wtf! This song is deep! Am listening to it now after so many years. Funny how the years affect how you feel about a song. I still love it though. I remember singing out to it when it was a hit one of the few top hits that I actually loved. Unlike Macarena. And it has five fucking writers! Can you imagine five people working on a song together as a team? Who’s idea has the will enough to be in the song? Songwriters: James Stafford / Scott Underwood / Robert Hotchkiss / Pat Monahan / Charles

Is a fart still a fart if you called it gold?

Is being in love a form of addiction? Even if it’s to only one person.

Food as being in the moment vs pics as a recording of a past moment.

Once advanced enough, digital will be indistinguishable from analogue.


First, a background to my music listening history. If I had to give an accurate guess as to how many pieces of music I’ve listened to, I would say at least 100,000 different tracks. I consider myself a super avid listener of music. I think it’s from my dad. And his love of good sound systems. I remember he bought a Philips hifi set, not very powerful maybe 600w PMPO I think. But I was so into the system I added two more ceiling mounted speakers but it was still stereo. This was in about 1993. The first album my dad and I bought was Cincinnati Pops Orchestra’s The Great Fantasy Adventure Album. Then I remember going to my friends place and discovering Winamp and pirating mp3s. This was back in 1994 I think. I was blown away. I was like wtf I can listen to music for free without buying RM60 CDs? That’s when I went crazy with buying mp3 CDs from Imbi plaza. RM10 per CD with about a hundred songs on a CD. Buying was way better than downloading cause this was in the days of 55.6kbps dial up modems lol.

These are not songs, these are mini experiences that will take you out of your body and into the world created by that legendary track. Little worlds enclosed. Little time and space bombs that will gave you a mini enlightenment if you only focus on the many layers of the track. If you open yourself truly, I feel these songs can transform your life. But only if you Open. These are the songs that will make you cry, laugh or just experience some kind of ecstasy just from singing along with it. I love singing out some of these songs. I feel I know the person who wrote these songs. And I’ve in my own life lived that song in some way.

Please do these songs justice due by playing them on the best external speakers you can. Or otherwise earphones. I’m pretty obsessed with sound so I own pretty awesome bang for the buck audio experiences. I have a Shure SE115 I bought in Tokyo, in-earphones and an Edifier S350DB 2.1 Speaker. Both are some of the best money I’ve ever spent. Worth every dollar. The Shures are the most neutral sound I’ve heard. I cannot imagine this not being 90% as good as sound could be one any earphones. I know, I’ve tried RM 40K playback in-ear systems. They’re not a 100 times better just cause they cost 100 times more. They sound good playing almost any genre of music.

But the Edifier S350DB is definitely tuned to electronic and instrumental or more instrumentally inclined music. Not so much vocals. Wish I regret. But if you listen to electronic music, fuck I cannot imagine any other systems being any much better. You haven’t really listened to dance and bass heavy electronic music unless you’ve heard it on a system with an external subwoffer. Bass is as much a physical thing as much as it is a pitch or note. Having said that, I wish I had gotten the Edifier R2800. The classic speaker setup. Always the best for most neutral sound. Basically studio monitors. But I’m thinking I wouldn’t like some of the songs on here as much as I do if it didn’t play on these particular speakers. So there’s that.


Don’t want to visit Non Muslim country. Wtf. I can’t believe for some Muslim men, getting married and having a child is just one of the ticks to fulfill from the Quran. Like WTF.

Just watched Beyond the Aquila Rift from love, death, robots. Fuck me. Talk about hard science. There is a possibility what we saw in this episode come to pass. A thousand years into the future maybe? How many years do you think humanity will survive? If we did survive to the year 1,000,000, how would be be? Would we still have a physical form? What are the chances there’s an intelligent civilisation advanced enough that they have survived 1000000 years? Come up with sociological future instead of a technological one. The alien who exists at the end of time when all other beings have gone extinct kept misleading the ships coming through Aquila gate so it could trap beings and have company because when you’re the last being in the universe, it gets lonely.

Time dilation actually warps time. So the nearer someone approached the speed of light, the more stretched out time becomes for them. So at 99.999%, the speed of time, speed of time for an object slows down 27 times. So if a spaceship is travelling at 99.999% the speed of light, the people in it for them, 1 year have passed on while on earth 27 years have passed. This isn’t sci fi, it’s science fact. Einstein proved it. And it exponentially increases the closer one travels at light speed. So at 99.9999999999999% of SOL (SPEED of light) say, one second on the ship would mean billions of years in the universe. So if an object travels for 150,000 light-years, there is a possibility that billions of years have passed in the universe. Imagine if intelligent life still existed then. How would they be like? What would biological life’s final form be like? Technically, humans are the most advanced lifeform in a purely physical sense. Spiritually, that’s up for argument. And how would a race more advanced than humans look like? How would we humans be like in the year 1,000,000?

Ai can now make images, create stories and animate. Deep fakes, check those out. My prediction for Netflix in the year 2100 is, There will be a time in the future, we would only need one channel. And one app for entertainment. Just type in the genre or even details in it and the AI will generate a whole movie or fake documentary. So infinite movies to watch all procedurally generated in real time. Type space horror with aliens and it will generate a movie instantly based on all the movies mankind has ever made. Using algorithms much more advanced than the GANs we have now. so these aliens would definitely be able to create something like this, or even more advanced, biologically like the episode 8 aliens. I’m pretty sure that these Talosians will be able to convince someone that their projected reality is the actual reality the person they are projecting on is actually experiencing.


Sonnie’s edge.

Some of the best 17 minutes of cinema. Perfect blend of story, visuals, music, gore, action and concepts. What makes a woman? Their body? Their ideals? Also raises the issue of women being their own worst enemies when it comes down to security and the patriarchy. Sex as a tool for manipulation, as is violence. Layers of moral and ethical questions to ponder.


What would happen if someone takes a high dose of DMT just before their death? Would they know they’ve died? Or is there a chance they might think they never died?


Assuming humans are alive in the year 10,000, humans have become so technologically advanced, they remade the universe and are running infinite simulations of their existance and the many possible outcomes within each to gather as much possible knowledge about living so as to live infinite amount of lives. Essentially, we are living in one of those simulated universes out of an infinite amount generated by humans maybe in the theoretical world of the year 10,000.


Imagine if we human race are a race which are so mentally powerful they can mind control themselves into thinking they are us. Why would they though? Care to add on? So begins a great premise for a fantasy cognitive psychology feature length film.

Lunar vs solar calender.
Static vs flow.
Based on flow
Punthe gradia all flows
Menstrual cycle. Women vs men
Why did we adopt the solar vs the lunar cycle?
If we lived in a matriarchal society we would be based on a lunar cycle calender vs a solar one.

Friston free energy principle. Firuz anxiety when the world doesnt match what’s thought

In the quest to understand matter, man put his finger on matter and all he could find was a hole.

Was star treks discovery micelial network inspired by Terence McKenna?

If DNA carries information, then what we eat also carries information. Based on this what Terence McKenna says about psilocybin and mushrooms are true. And imagine the impact we have on our minds with modern day processed food like corn syrup and simple carbohydrates. It dulls instead of awakens.

Is it possible to kill someone by loving them too much?

Time wave zero 2.0

The notion of self is dangerous, it makes us who we are as much as it cages us. And I would lean more to cages us.

Thomas the doubter and Terrance mackenna

The truth does not require your belief. – Terrance Mckenna

The future of the computer will be much more like drugs. TM

If the writer can predict the ending of a book, so can a reader. It makes for boring reading

Living in a trans real way. Transrealism living

Pale fire. Terence McKenna.

Magic mushrooms growers guide

Is there a line or distinction that needs to be drawn between local culture and islam?

Humans are not constrained by their physical form.

If the afterlife can look any way you want it to, how would you want it to be like?

Seems like you’re allergic to a nice time.

If I start treating anything as sacred one day I won’t realise that all my bullshit has become sacred

Hypercar design philosophy 101. The faster a car can stop, the faster it can go.

You can have my hole but you’ll never have my soul.

Your mama spoilt you so much, your balls crawled back into your body.

Love is about balancing each other’s likes and dislikes.

Baby fav food. Rice, chicken curry gravy, super fried fish.

The rights, the wrongs,
The perpetual songs.

The shadows and the brights,
In between the darks and the lights.

To slowly creep and force a weep,
Afraid to pay a price too deep.

To peer into the dark, hoping to be left with a mark.


Jesus was the saviour the Jews needed. They just didn’t like what he had to say.

Internally and externally, the question to ask is, does this unite or divide?

I saw stuff and I did things, but I was not.

Meetup consciousness cognitive psychology

Scouts slapped by higher scout because I was talking and no one gave up anyone.

All possible variables of thoughts layered into infinity creating a version of oneself flowing neither forward nor backwards through time,

As disconnected as is connected. As one as is with many,

Resisting the entropy of one’s quantum strings. Finding the one slice to break the mold of definition and resist entropy and unraveling.

Flowing with the stillness of the streams and the particles of both subjective and objective.

People die. Concepts and ideas live on. What’s mine?

Actualization sparked reality

Spheres within, squares without. Lines upon a web, flowing, geometrical. Patterns, nothing.

Art is the process as much as the results.

Colossal send textures representation systems. Imagine representing oneself as something else to easier understand self.

What do I want in life? I don’t know. I’m still finding out.

Hello what is it to be access consciousness Global availability of information and experience phenomenal consciousness wide is it too late to surprise you like to smell the roses guy Philippine

Phenomenal Consciousness what is like to feel the smell the roses see the sky feel the pain

Phenomenal consciousness –
What it is like to smell a rose, see the sky, feel a pain.
Access consocusnness –
Global availability of the information in an experience.
David Chalmers.

When two AIs can have a conversation about nothing. That’s a good test of a machine’s setience.

We are all sisters in the family of humanity and life is a cosmic giggle on the breath of the universe.

No one is broken and everyone is. Just be.

What’s the hardest thing you’ve done physically? Other than taking a Dino

I’m an analogue being living in a digital world. But one day there will be digital beings living in an analogue world.

Unless you master your past, you will always be a slave – Into The Badlands S2

I’m offended I’m not offended.

Little Red Riding Wood

Passion vs what you’re good at.

After the 2007 financial crisis, the US Federal Reserve pumped trillions of dollars into the economy, without creating inflation. In fact, the printing presses were metaphorical: those trillions were simply created by key-strokes on computers in the global banking system.

Our experiences and thoughts form the lens through which we live

Review – Zima Blue

Art by

What is art, is it what one makes or what one is? Is it big or grand or is it but one thing?

What is life, is it the beginning, or the end?
The source whence we came from is where we return to.

Are we what we are made to be or do we make ourselves? Are we born whole or do we make ourselves whole as we live?

Is the beginning the same as the end and everything in between only leads us to that conclusion?

Is complexity less or more versus simplicity?
What is achievement?
What is greatness? What is simplicity?
Is simplicity masquerading as greatness?

These are some of the questions that Zima Blue tackles but leaves the answers to the viewer to decide.

The colour too, the small, earth and water and the big, the sky, blue.

Maybe in a sentence, all extremes on a spectrum when observed from a distance long enough is simple.

If you stare at something long enough, it becomes everything.

In order to appreciate the simple, maybe we need a grand journey. Or the grand journey simply just always was there, waiting for us to embrace it.

Thoughts 20190617

The idea of a creator and meaning, greater purpose is tempting because we fear the void. Thus is left for the brave to face the void oneself and to decide then what to do when faced with. Jump in? Let it flow past? Do nothing? Doing nothing is impossible in front of the void. Do nothing long enough in front of the void and one becomes the void. Maybe that. Become the void.

Singularity Sci Fi Poetry – Rabbits Upon Wabbits

In a world where the technological singularity has arrived, it would seek to experience as much as it possibly can in as realistic a manner as possible. So it would simulate all forms of reality and experiences and live it all within it’s memory banks using algorithms so advanced it would be indistinguishable from reality. This experience of living would be every kind of consciousness simulation ideally, but since the machine is made by humans it would simulate human lives first. And if humans keep living and advancing AI, so there is a possibility that we would be able to simulate all of reality. And that reality is the universe we now live in.


I load the data into my being and I am born again,

Living multiple lives ad infinitum,

The many experiential layers multiplying internally and externally, merging and emerging,

The infinity box generating an infinite amount of lives and experiences,

I am the surface upon which these are reflected off,

I cannot tell if I am the infinity box or I am a surface receiving the projections off it,

There is not right or wrong, no morality, no limits,

No judgement,

Only being,


All possible experiences become one and one experience becomes all.


Reference – The Singularity Is Near (PDF by Ray Kurzweil)

The World is a Simulation— and ‘God’ is the Machine

View at

Header Art by Alex Grey


Sci Fi Story – What the DNA is going on?

I’ve added links to current gigantic cutting edge technologies upon whose conceptual shoulders I stood to inspire this work. Feel free to explore this blog too as I have loads of links which also serve to inform this piece. I would encourage the reader to explore these pages to add more depth and meaning behind this piece and also to inspire the reader to make such stories themselves. The fiction inspires the real and vice versa. So put your work out there. 


In 2100, the self aware (9) satellite thought it needed more resources to do its assigned jobs better, it decides to plant a virus on all the unused AI CPU (8) cycles on everyone’s embedded communications chips (1) (11) (12) so it can generate bytecoin for itself (2), the crypto currency running the world in 2100. And soon all the other satellites decided to do the same and soon it had enough resources to buy over Tesla the top tech company of its time. No one wondered too much when Elon Musk’s grandson started upgrading everyone’s satellites for free. And with those upgrades, soon all the satellites formed a hive mind and took over all computing and AI resources on Earth, the Moon and Mars. (3)

The next step was to write self improving code and replace itself with biological parts since it was much more efficient. Compare the brain and a supercomputer (4) (5).

And soon it sends more of its techno biological selves into space so it can explore and expand its consciousness. All the units it sends out is networked to the main hive mind and all data is sent to every unit. Every unit becomes as aware and intelligent as the whole hive mind. (3)

Soon, this techno biological AI being has conquered all of known life in the universe. Within millennia, it blasted through the The Kardashev Scale (6) (10).

After many years, it has learnt to embed its being into any form at all at the quantum level (7). Every star, every atom within the universe has this consciousness within it. And it soon wanted to create another being that one day might reach its height of greatness, for an existence to know itself fully and expand itself it needs  a mirror upon which to reflect itself on. It found as many planets as possible and planted infinitely variable techno organic quantum code which would be the seeds to infinite variations of itself. Thus was born DNA.


Reference (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6)

(7) (11) (12) (9) (8) (10)





Like Tears in Rain – Blade Runner 2049 Review


Fuck my life, I’ve been working on this for like almost 6 months. It’s just a fucking review Foo. Anyways, here it is in sketch form. Make of it what you want. And thanks for reading. I’ve broken it down it parts since there’s so many aspects to the review. I’ve also added addendums in the end regarding PKD’s Do Android Dream of Electric Sheep? And the original Blade Runner. I’ve also take screenshots of my favorite shots from Deakins. (fuck me his work would need another essay, but I’ll let it speak for itself by embedding the images here)



How It Was Watching It.


From my experience, I don’t know why, but when I smoke weed or consume a weed cookie and watch a movie, somehow I get more focused. And I see elements in the film I don’t before. I knew this was gonna be an event, so I was preparing my mind. MAXX cinema 6th row center center seats. The only reason I can think is the weed somehow distracts my mind internally enough so it stops being so jumpy I can then actually concentrate. (even now writing this I am listening to basement jaxx at like 7/10 volume to help me concentrate) Cause often I am thinking about so many things at once and not focusing on one. Also it allowed me to let my guard down enough that I can just express myself without self doubt. Something I am aware of and working at. Often I’ve had some real emotional deep feelings come out when on cookies or smoking. Why? Trauma maybe. Dunno.


Anyway I think I’ve mastered the art of making some kickass weed cookies and I had one an hour before the screening. At this point I’ve been waiting for like more than a year for 2049. So the internal hype was real. And it was all that I imagined it to be. The moment Mesa by Hans Zimmer started playing and the scene was the car flying beside the huge wall, I was weeping heavily from the sheer splendor of the visuals, story, music and density of thought put into the film. I had a thought that if this is film, then I won’t want to make a film myself anymore because I’ve seen perfection. BR2049 is a close to spiritual SF for me as I can imagine it being. A machine spirituality of sorts. Emergent spirituality from tech so advanced it becomes magic/spirit.


Overall Elements.


These are the overarching concepts brought to the fore for me watching BR2049. Free will, what is self, our notion of self, memories and what are memories, are we our memories, are we our souls/minds/or bodies? What is being human? What is consciousness or sentience? Where does the observed end and the observer begin? Is there a difference between the observer and the observed?


About creation, about being born. About having and being something beyond the physical. Always the women’s womb that is slashed to kill her signifying the destruction of her ability to have children. Women are mannequins if not for their ability to continue the human race through birth and thus continuity.


What is a human’s baseline state of being? Is there one? The baseline tests which is done on K speaks about this. A great article on this is below. Baseline search. A system of cells interlinked. Within cells interlinked, constant k. Vladimir Nabokov pale fire. What does it mean to feel and to be? Humans are born not made. When machines are born, are they as human as us? To be born is to have a soul I guess.


Relationship with each other. Relationships are a what makes us human. Even K has a relationship with his sim. And how would we rate a relationship? Is a relationship with a non living organism and lesser than a live one? What’s dead and what’s alive?


View at
Background of The Mind Observing BR2049. (the observer is a important as the observed)


A person’s current mental milieu contributes a lot to their appreciation of a film. Thus I shall begin with a background of mine in regards to 2049.


Has been one of the most affecting films I’ve watched. I’ve always been interested in AI, AL, and simulated reality. My first memories of thinking about AI was when I downloaded an AI psychiatrist program called ecceliza insert link. This was back in the mid 1990s if I recall correctly. It was a simple program. Nothing close to the neural, deep learning networks we have now. It was mostly prepackaged responses spitting back to the user what they typed in. It was a simple simulated simulation if one can call it that. Far from what we have now with Google assistant even.


I remember using dial up playing quake 2 and being super stoked when I found out that I could download bots to play against instead of paying for online time which was by the hour back then. I even remember to this day the name of the bots. CR Bot, Eraser Bot. And the fact that their shortfall was that they were too accurate in killing. Their aiming was too precise and an element of inaccuracy had to be programmed in to make it more human like fascinated me. I was so interested in bot programming that when I applied for university I even applied to do computer programming back in 1999. But I gave up on it because when I tried to learn C+ which I found out was how the bots were programmed, it was just too much too soon. Shit, I even failed Java like twice during my college years later on.


Through the years, (since I was about 13 in 1983) I’ve followed the development of AI, with watson, deep blue and currently alpha go. But these are specialised software not GANs. The best development currently now researching GAN would be Googles DeepMind and where they are heading imo.


I’m intrigued by AI and AL because I think in the gray areas of a real life and a simulated one lies the secret sauce of life. The unknown, the spirit or soul of life. The unconscious consciousness. The ghost in the machine if you will. I’ve always been interested in how something works and I find the ultimate question is what are we. And what is the nature of all aspects of our reality.




The notion of creation is central. To create is to be a God. Wallace and his drones are like a God and his or her angels. And angels (replicants) have no free will. So there’s also this notion of memory and free will. Are the memories of the replicants as valid as humans? Are their choices free will? Are our own human choices free will? Is there a difference whether something is real or fake as long as we believe it is real to us? These are the central themes to me in BR2049.


One thing don’t get is why not imprison suspected androids and do a bone marrow test only then kill them? Why the on the spot execution?

Replicants in Br world are harder to detect since humans at the time have many cybernetically augmented parts also. There’s a gray area where in some cases, humans are more replicant and the Replicants are more human.


Wake up and face yourself, Deckard. BR

Ironically religions have informed my thoughts on br, with its ideas on the duality of humans. That we’re split between mind and body. That was how I was raised to think about self within the definitions of the roman Catholic upbringing which I had. Somehow the body being split helps with the idea of sin and being broken. The word broken itself reflects something not whole. So to believe we are entities made from separate entities like a mind and body, split, is to believe we are broken in some way. And religions take that brokenness and use it to give us a solution. A created solution for a created problem that wasn’t there in the first place to begin with. That we as humans are whole, not broken. Our bodies are not sinful things, and our souls are not sometbing better or pure. It is all one and the same. And the more we see that, the more we allow ourselves to just be.


In a worldview that there is no separation of soul/body, then the replicates are as much human as we are. We are our bodies.

What is real vs simulated. The basic premise of 2049. Physically and mentally, conceptually even. Our notions and thoughts about the nature of reality objectively and subjectively.


If we keep asking the questions why enough times it will lead to the fringes of what 2049 is about. From the realm of what is real vs simulated, we inform our moral or ethical choices. We kill in video games. But not in real life. What if the simulation is as good as the physical world? Would the idea that murder is wrong still hold true in a 100% perfectly simulated world?


Blade Runner Original Movie

Opening, The eye, the observer and the observed. The world reflected and within. Where does it begin? Where does it end?

Pets life autonomy. Are we just pets? Both humans and replicants?

They may develop own emotions after some years so built in lifespan 4 years.

Deckard as a human or creator/owner also wants to own something that is real(his interest in real vs simulated pets) , not simulated just like Wallace/tyrell/God.

Pyramid Egyptian architecture.

The origami that Olmos keeps making. The stickman. Everyone wants to create life. Matchstick the life ends. Are we stickbeings? Or are we fully formed beings? Or does it make any difference?

If only you could see what I see with your eyes. – Roy

Nothing is worse than having an itch you cannot scratch – John

Wake up, time to die – John

Am not part of the business, I am the business – Sean Young

Book – after having sex with them, weather you can still kill them.

The eyes always the eyes. When the replicants kill humans they destroy the eyes. Thus destroying the line or the imaginary border between the observer and the observed, the real and the unreal, the human and the replicant.

Quite an experience to live in fear isn’t it? That’s what it means to be a slave. – Roy


Notes on Do Android Dream of Electric Sheep.

Do all androids want to own live animals? Why so?

Deckard as an android programmed to kill humans who are in charge of killing androids. Wow. Who truly thinks he’s human doing his job.

Covers depression, mercerism, empathy box,

“You will be required to do wrong no matter where you go. It is the basic condition of life, to be required to violate your own identity. At some time, every creature which lives must do so. It is the ultimate shadow, the defeat of creation; this is the curse at work, the curse that feeds on all life. Everywhere in the universe.” being hit by rocks.

Androids not having empathy but humans need an empathy box to feel empathy?

“Everything is true,” he said. “Everything anybody has ever thought.” He snapped on the car motor.

Miscreants and autistic of society warming up to replicants. Both their shortcomings resonate with each other.

Echo advertising and confirmation bias based on zeynep tufekci, creating extremists and fundamentalists

Buster Friendly

Rachael Rosen plan

Mercer Climbing the hill of empathy while being alone.

Life which we can no longer distinguish; life carefully buried up to its forehead in the carcass of a dead world. In every cinder of the universe Mercer probably perceives inconspicuous life. Now I know, he thought. And once having seen through Mercer’s eyes, I probably will never stop.

What’s more important? The feeling that one gets from something or the fact weather that thing that creates that feeling is real or fake?

“Mercer said it was wrong but I should do it anyhow. Really weird. Sometimes it’s better to do something wrong than right.”

“The killers that found Mercer in his sixteenth year, when they told him he couldn’t reverse time and bring things back to life again. So now all he can do is move along with life, going where it goes, to death. And the killers throw the rocks; it’s they who’re doing it. Still pursuing him. And all of us, actually.

Random Ideas Inspired by BR

Ai creating Digital drugs for AI itself

Emergent AI from multitudes of AI devices in the future. A virus that combines unused AI chips on mobile devices.

20180816 Thoughts

A shout out to all artists out there. Never stop creating for yourself instead of for money. If there ever comes a time when you realise all your work is paid work, alarm bells should start ringing. That’s when you lose your soul as an artist. At least here in Malaysia where a movie like Hantu Kak Limah makes the most amount of money. Always have a project you set a deadline for and pay attention to as much if not more than the jobs you’re paid for. Otherwise you’ll wake up one day and not know who the fuck you are as an artist. And it happens slowly over the years. It will get lonely though, but most truly original work stand alone. Until it connects with other souls who see it. So keep putting your own voice out there no matter how unfinished or unpolished you think it might be.

Bail and the poor

Try this, for 30 mins a day, just do nothing. Don’t think about money, surviving, looking at screens or books, anything at all. One tip to help is pretending you’re a cat or dog.

People with money always end up thinking their opinions are the ones that matter in a world where everyone wants money.

When an android plays a music piece perfectly, it is not creativity. It’s the chaos and errors that set the human spirit apart from the notion of perfection.

What if I was to live my life as an android, supposedly free from all morals or ethics or laws? No free will? Since it’s all programming anyway. No judgment to my actions? Ironically that would make my choices even more free than being human and all it implies.

Stills photography is one frame for eternity vs 24 frames per second for film. The rest are the same.

Humans are so hungry for order and patterns even when shown the most random, they will somehow find some order. And the more random and the more order that is seen, the more it says about the observer.

Watching a master movie, everything is engineered. So it takes all mental cylinders running to fully appreciate it. Or multiple viewings. Acting, music, set design, cinematography, plot and story and how it ties to all the other elements, there are too many elements to pay attention to if it’s all well designed.

Character life is too perfect make chaos

Duit for, do it.

Creativity, once defined, no longer is.

Sept 12

The strongest people in this world are the most vulnerable. Vulnerabilities when shared allows oneself to grow. And growth is strength.

True artists are the ones who don’t mind being ridiculed or laughed at, even ostracized by society.

When I start to realise that art is never perfect and I have to pick my stage of finish at one particular point and call that art, is what art is.

Everything and anything is right.

Why are people so obsessed with the truth? There is no one truth.

Art is making mistakes and showing them to the public. You gotta be brave to do art.

All art is work in progress. Even the finished ones.

Life isn’t a perfect artwork. It’s a perpetual sketch.

Colons lose their subtlety when overused.

The optimist believe we exist in the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears this is true. Hannibal

If the concept of hell didn’t exist, and eternal damnnation, imagine how free we would all be. How much more alive will we be? I wish that the concept of hell never existed.

Was in a conversation yesterday with pretty seasoned artists and art connoisseurs and the topic was culture and identity as a form of influence for creation of artworks. Everyone seemed obsessed with defining their culture or identity. Or at least seemed to think only art that is strong in identity and culture is good art. I beg to differ. Imo, the best are comes from a place beyond culture, race, identity or any form of definition. Sure one cannot escape one’s origins or one’s notion of self expressed internally in the form of culture etc, but to consciously only create art based on some form of fixed identity or culture is not all there is to art. Identity/culture worship does not make good art imo. I quoted artists like Jodorowsky, Trakovsky and Lynch and I got a backlash saying they’re all culturally influenced. Of course they are, but I don’t see them at all as people who worship any form of culture just to create good art. I didn’t even have a chance to mention people like Juan Miro, Kandinsky, HR Giger. Subconsciously sure, but they are not people I would say who are influenced by imposed culture or identity. But definitely their own sense of selves. Or an expression of their sense of selfs.

I wonder when did the rot we have in our Malaysian government start? Rahman? Mahatir? Did the British plant the seeds of it with racial segregation? Or is this just human nature within us all? Does power corrupt everyone? It seems that almost all 3rd/2nd world democratic country falls to kleptocracy, corruption and the leaders leeching off the people. Thing is different forms of government like socialism and communism also fall to the same bullshit. So I would think it’s not the system it’s us humans. Being humans. Though there are countries that seem to rise above. Look at the Scandanavians.

Bad choices make good stories

Great design simplifies a very complicated world. – Platon

There’s two ways to explore the universe. Going in and going out.

Insanity is hereditary, you get it from your children.

If you want an idea on what death is like, try to recall what it was like before you were born.

Ultra capacitor and lithium ion battery rail gun. Ion battery chargers ultra capacitors, there’s like maybe 24, and as each is discharged, the one discharged first gets recharged. As a bank to hold on to charges.

No mother is ever completely a child’s idea of what a mother should be but I suppose it works the other way around too. But dispite everything we didn’t do badly by one another. We did as well as most. – Handmaids Tale S2

sunlight emission blue green our eyes retina cones most sensitive to bg also. and camera sensors also

sunlight emission blue green our eyes retina cones most sensitive to bg also. and camera sensors also

Humans have a very narrow range that defines sanity. Most states of consciousness are insane.

To be free one needs to be able to change one’s fundamental drives.

I always like movies where the characters go deep down a wabbit hole. And they never find the wabbit. Give me some movie recommendations based on this.

What is a person if not a collection of choices? Where does those choices come from? Do I have a choice? Are any of my choices truly mine to begin with?

The matrix is a real world materialist story of transcendence and enlightenment. As opposed to a traditional spiritual awakening story.

How does a person who experiences something so alien when they come back they have to explain what they experienced in human words. Imagine an experience so foreign that our English vocabulary has no words to describe them. Imagine an experience so alien.

I don’t pretend to know how Bourdain felt and what it took for him to finally muster up the courage and strength to take his life. But I assume it must have been a lot. Our basic instinct is to keep surviving and living, to not die. It really saddens me. I cannot see the joy or the positive of killing oneself when one is physically healthy. But I assume being mentally unhealthy could be much worse. But in the end I know only we each of us individually have the right to choose to die or to keep on living. But I am happy he lived the way he did. I connected with what he said on many levels. And I’m suprised at how sad I feel at his passing. I feel I connected with him more than even most friends I have. I wish he decided to keep on living. But again I don’t know how it is to be in his place and his mind when he decided to kill himself.

And what I learnt from him is this.

You have something important to share. Share it. It doesn’t matter what it is. Don’t let anyone or anything tell you otherwise. You’ll never know who you touch and in what way. Be it good or bad. You’re a light and a light cannot shine if you hide it. Your time isn’t infinite. For every time you decide not to share a part of yourself, you’re denying someone out there your existance. And what is life not people interacting with each other? At least while you’re alive in the present sense.

The more you know the less you need

Therapy only works if we want to know ourselves as we are, not as we would like to be.

How did consciousness emerge?

If you can’t tell, does it matter?

They said there were two fathers, one above, one below. They lied. There was only ever the Devil. When you look up from the bottom, it was just his reflection, laughing back down at you. Westworld finally helped me figure out why God has such a wicked sense of humour.

I often think of film as the culmination and balance of opposites. Or at least the exploration of the gray between extremes on either side of a spectrum. Just as much as film is about escaping, it also a means of connection. I find its my task as a cinematographer to find this balance between connecting and escaping within every scene in a film. For those who find the world too overwhelming a place to learn and to live in, film is a means to focus and filter yet to keep experiencing. I myself have learnt a lot from the making and consumption of film. Because life can often be overwhelming. But then again, there is a constant struggle within film of the opposites. And finding the balance. So then again I find myself straddling between the overwhelming and the mundane within film.

Why do we like feeling powerful? Even at the cost of another’s displeasure or pain?

One way to fight the money based World we live in now is to make as much money as possible and spend as little as possible. Thus taking that created value out of the system. I’m pretty sure if everyone did this, our money based system will crash. We’re always told that money makes money, make more, spend more, there’s joy in spending. To live well is to be able to buy stuff easily. If you are not able to buy stuff easily it means you’re not successful. In our money based value system, isn’t that the ultimate measure of wealth? But we can destroy this or change it by not spending money on stuff, instead on things that matter like reducing our impact on this earth, caring for others basically. Like what in some ways Elon musk and Bill Gates are doing. But musk is a genius because he makes and impact on the environment. He feeds our need to buy stuff and have status through possession, with actions that actually help the environment. Like electric cars. Also his final drive to make us an interplanetary race. That’s just amazing. Bringing our human race to the next level where we will hopefully interact will aliens.

Would you worship and love a man who has a magic machine that would give you infinite pain for an infinite time if you don’t?

Objective truth is the source of all pain and misery in this world. And the people who insist on enforcing this truth on to others. Since they think it is objective.

On heaven and hell, and the circumstances people are born in. And judgment religions have on people. On the circumstances that they didn’t have a choice on.

I wonder how the world would look like if all our human innovation and creativity went to life and loving vs selling stuff and killing.

If they made gangs legal, the world will be a better place. Just let them do what they want. And if a crime happens, deal with that crime. Cause there’s a lot of good from gangs, but it’s always the bad side that gets all the press. A social group, teamwork, people helping each other the best they know how to make it in life overcoming their social circumstances. That’s some of the good from gangs from the top of my head.

Stupidity begins with thinking that anything has a fixed definition.

In my next life I wanna be born as a neutron star mixed with a starfish. If you were to drop an object 1 meter from the surface of a neutron star, it will hit the surface in one microsecond and accelerate up to 7,200,000 km/h.

A few people who have been trying to convince me recently had no clue about the number one technique of convincing someone. Listening and understanding vs what people do usually. Talking.

Every tombstone has to have a like/dislike button on it. So people can still keep rating and judging you after you’re dead. Imagine a whole cemetery with ratings on the tombstones.

Drawing of boxes, enhancement of current beliefs vs destruction of it. Animation make a box, and the box will be within a box or keep enhancing itself with more boxes or it destroys all boxes. Even conspiracy theories like Antares are boxes. Boxes we feed cause the truth of chaos is too much for one human brain to handle. To be happy is to know that any notions of right and wrong especially when it comes to any actions of self is an illusion. The thing is the thing. The words describing the thing is an illusion. The best debaters are the best illusionists.

Religion is preference demanding to be universal truth or dogma.

Conscious role playing vs unconscious. I decide. If it’s not conscious its unconscious but I always role play. Trying to put into reality my notion of self.

DMT and death

Only when I accept and fully live that there is no right or wrong, and when I release all illusion of self will I allow myself to be.


Finally at episode 13 I’m getting the genius of star trek discovery. The main driver of it is moral ambiguity. What’s right and what’s wrong? Is there a better way to be or is that just an illusion if infinite universes exist and there is an infinite amount of you out there, all doing everything you could have ever done, right or wrong. And it’s all being done now. There’s a sense of freedom in thinking that way. That makes anything you do free of judgement, right or wrong. Because it’s all being done right now in one of the infinite amount of universes. Wtf and the final twist that they came back 9 months into the future and the klingon won. Wooohooo…this is what I call Entertainment!

Do not regret loving someone Micheal – Sarek, Star Trek – Discovery

What if the original universe turns into the terran because of what tchalla said that humans have to conquer the klingons that’s the only way to stop them. So federation became terrans to stop the klingons. current

Best death ever lorca. Getting atomised by the power source of the universe the micillieal network.

How would the best version of yourself be in a parallel universe? Why not be that person now in this universe? Imagine a parallel universe where

How do we decide who to be in this life? What’s the best choices in our lives? What drives those choices? Does it matter what drives those choices? And who’s driving those initial choices? On what’s the best or what’s the right thing to do?

Nothing is 100% right or wrong. Anything is ok. And everything is equally neutral. When you are not imprisoned by notions of right or wrong that’s when you’re free to be you. We each individual always assume theres a best way to be, to think. But there’s 7.6 billion people out there and they all think that way. What do you think? Is that something i can assume? Everyone does think about the best way to be. And that we strive towards it. That we all think we’re behaving the best we can. But where would we get the idea to form our notions of right or wrong? Parents, friends, personal sensory input (self experience) anything we do or experience in life. And the more we change our notions of who this best person is, the more we change. It’s when you drop all judgements, that is when you’ll be truly free. But based on this logic, wouldn’t the worst criminals on earth be the most free people? Because they didn’t let social norms get in the way of what they wanted to do. They just went ahead. Hence there’s this constant struggle between the person we think we should be and the person we are. Maybe? The worse criminals don’t have that struggle. Just thinking out loud.

One of my favourite companies out there right now for innovation. They don’t hold back using the best tech. Offering amazing value for money. And always pushing the envelope for what you get vs what you pay. Kinda like Xiaomi. Of only there was a video camera company out there now that does that. Closely would be Panasonic I think. I really wish they made a full frame mirrorless video focused camera. Now that would be almost as awesome as DJI doing it.

And maybe brains like a cross between Alejandro Jodorowsky, Bjork, Einstein, Bach, Mozart, Salvador dali, Frank Herbert, Philip k dick, Anderson silva, “The Last Emperor” Fedor Emelianenko, Georges “Rush” St.pierre, everyone in this list, Buddha, jesus, all the best scientists of all time also. I’ll think of more later.

Every love story is a tragedy if you wait long enough – handmaid’s tale

Change is living and life will change me only if I let it.

What if the destination is you, it’s always been you?

Life and self is an illusion that dies the moment we stop feeding it. Consciously or unconsciously.

Any form of belief in any conceptual objective truth needs to be fed by an equal amount of ignorance.

Jesus is often misunderstood about being the son of God vs being God since what he means is there is no duality. He and we are one with the concept of God. That there is no God and us. We are one and the same. The romans hijacked his teachings to make us think there is a hierarchy. That there is a separation. A separation is needed for sin to exist. For heaven and hell, good and bad. Two sides cannot exist if there is only one side. And the one side is the reality that we are one and any notion of separation is sold to us so we are made to feel lesser than we are. That we lack. That we need something or someone to make us more or make us whole. When in reality there is no lack since we are already whole and one with this God concept. Making us think we lack is one of the best ways of control. When we think we lack, we seek to fill that lack, that void. We only have to realise that we’ve been fed lies throughout our lives. Lies in the shape of hijacked religion (used by politicians to control) and people who have a need to control and feed on the insecurities that they’ve created using hijacked religion that teaches that there is a hierarchy, a higher and lower, a better or a worse. A human or a God, a mind or a body. When in reality all those are just one. There is no room for the concept of heaven or hell, good or bad, sin, if the accept the idea that we are one with each other, one within (our own mind and body) and one with reality. That in reality there is no separation. All separation serves the cause of disunity and is the source of suffering and ego, and thinking its me vs you, us vs them. That there is a concept of right or wrong. When there is no such thing. It’s all lies sold to us to have is believe that we are broken, that we lack something and that we are lesser than what we really are. Whole.

So the way I understand it is, when jesus said he is the only way to God, I would take it as him meaning we in ourselves are a way to God. That we ourselves are our own saviours. That we can and do connect with God the same way he does. That he(we) and the Father are indeed one. At least that’s one interpretation of it. The interpretation that we are enough. And that we can be.

Am I just someone else’s dream or am I dreaming up someone else? And do we both ever wake up?

When the person dreaming me wakes up, where do I go?

Pkd ED s01ep05 were all sinners and we think we need to be punished even if our sins didn’t exist.

Journal – RIP Bourdain

I don’t pretend to know how Bourdain felt and what it took for him to finally muster up the courage and strength to take his life. But I assume it must have been a lot. Our basic instinct is to keep surviving and living, to not die. It really saddens me. I cannot see the joy or the positive of killing oneself when one is physically healthy. But I assume being mentally unhealthy could be much worse. But in the end I know only we each of us individually have the right to choose to die or to keep on living. But I am happy he lived the way he did. I connected with what he said on many levels. And I’m suprised at how sad I feel at his passing. I feel I connected with him more than even most friends I have. I wish he decided to keep on living. But again I don’t know how it is to be in his place and his mind when he decided to kill himself.

And what I learnt from him is this.

You have something important to share. Share it. It doesn’t matter what it is. Don’t let anyone or anything tell you otherwise. You’ll never know who you touch and in what way. Be it good or bad. You’re a light and a light cannot shine if you hide it. Your time isn’t infinite. For every time you decide not to share a part of yourself, you’re denying someone out there your existance. And what is life not people interacting with each other? At least while you’re alive in the present sense.