LOVE DEATH + ROBOTS – Beyond The Aquila Rift.

Just watched Beyond the Aquila Rift from love, death, robots. Fuck me. Talk about hard science. There is a possibility what we saw in this episode come to pass. A thousand years into the future maybe? How many years do you think humanity will survive? If we did survive to the year 1,000,000, how would be be? Would we still have a physical form? What are the chances there’s an intelligent civilisation advanced enough that they have survived 1000000 years? Come up with sociological future instead of a technological one.

Time dilation actually warps time. So the nearer someone approached the speed of light, the more stretched out time becomes for them. So at 99.999%, the speed of time, speed of time for an object slows down 27 times. So if a spaceship is travelling at 99.999% the speed of light, the people in it for them, 1 year have passed on while on earth 27 years have passed. This isn’t sci fi, it’s science fact. Einstein proved it. And it exponentially increases the closer one travels at light speed. So at 99.9999999999999% of SOL (SPEED of light) say, one second on the ship would mean billions of years in the universe. So if an object travels for 150,000 light-years, there is a possibility that billions of years have passed in the universe. Imagine if intelligent life still existed then. How would they be like? What would biological life’s final form be like? Technically, humans are the most advanced lifeform in a purely physical sense. Spiritually, that’s up for argument. And how would a race more advanced than humans look like? How would we humans be like in the year 1,000,000? And how would the last beings in the universe be like? The alien who exists at the end of time when all other beings have gone extinct kept misleading the ships coming through Aquila gate so it could trap beings and have company because when you’re the last being in the universe, it gets lonely.

Ai can now make images, create stories and animate. Deep fakes, check those out. My prediction for Netflix in the year 2100 is, There will be a time in the future, we would only need one channel. And one app for entertainment. Just type in the genre or even details in it and the AI will generate a whole movie or fake documentary. So infinite movies to watch all procedurally generated in real time. Type space horror with aliens and it will generate a movie instantly based on all the movies mankind has ever made. Using algorithms much more advanced than the GANs we have now. so these aliens would definitely be able to create something like this, or even more advanced, biologically like the episode 8 aliens. I’m pretty sure that these Talosians will be able to convince someone that their projected reality is the actual reality the person they are projecting on is actually experiencing.

It’s like 10x better than what I expected, so far at least 1 episode in.


Others Photography – Nature


Francisco Negroni

This photo was taken during a violent night eruption of the Calbuco volcano in the Lagos region, Chile. An unbelievable dirt storm wraps the fumarole of the erupting volcano.

Like Tears in the Rain – Blade Runner 2049 Review


Fuck my life, I’ve been working on this for like almost 6 months. It’s just a fucking review Foo. Anyways, here it is in sketch form. Make of it what you want. And thanks for reading. I’ve broken it down it parts since there’s so many aspects to the review. I’ve also added addendums in the end regarding PKD’s Do Android Dream of Electric Sheep? And the original Blade Runner. I’ve also take screenshots of my favorite shots from Deakins. (fuck me his work would need another essay, but I’ll let it speak for itself by embedding the images here)



How It Was Watching It.


From my experience, I don’t know why, but when I smoke weed or consume a weed cookie and watch a movie, somehow I get more focused. And I see elements in the film I don’t before. I knew this was gonna be an event, so I was preparing my mind. MAXX cinema 6th row center center seats. The only reason I can think is the weed somehow distracts my mind internally enough so it stops being so jumpy I can then actually concentrate. (even now writing this I am listening to basement jaxx at like 7/10 volume to help me concentrate) Cause often I am thinking about so many things at once and not focusing on one. Also it allowed me to let my guard down enough that I can just express myself without self doubt. Something I am aware of and working at. Often I’ve had some real emotional deep feelings come out when on cookies or smoking. Why? Trauma maybe. Dunno.


Anyway I think I’ve mastered the art of making some kickass weed cookies and I had one an hour before the screening. At this point I’ve been waiting for like more than a year for 2049. So the internal hype was real. And it was all that I imagined it to be. The moment Mesa by Hans Zimmer started playing and the scene was the car flying beside the huge wall, I was weeping heavily from the sheer splendor of the visuals, story, music and density of thought put into the film. I had a thought that if this is film, then I won’t want to make a film myself anymore because I’ve seen perfection. BR2049 is a close to spiritual SF for me as I can imagine it being. A machine spirituality of sorts. Emergent spirituality from tech so advanced it becomes magic/spirit.


Overall Elements.


These are the overarching concepts brought to the fore for me watching BR2049. Free will, what is self, our notion of self, memories and what are memories, are we our memories, are we our souls/minds/or bodies? What is being human? What is consciousness or sentience? Where does the observed end and the observer begin? Is there a difference between the observer and the observed?


About creation, about being born. About having and being something beyond the physical. Always the women’s womb that is slashed to kill her signifying the destruction of her ability to have children. Women are mannequins if not for their ability to continue the human race through birth and thus continuity.


What is a human’s baseline state of being? Is there one? The baseline tests which is done on K speaks about this. A great article on this is below. Baseline search. A system of cells interlinked. Within cells interlinked, constant k. Vladimir Nabokov pale fire. What does it mean to feel and to be? Humans are born not made. When machines are born, are they as human as us? To be born is to have a soul I guess.


Relationship with each other. Relationships are a what makes us human. Even K has a relationship with his sim. And how would we rate a relationship? Is a relationship with a non living organism and lesser than a live one? What’s dead and what’s alive?


View story at
Background of The Mind Observing BR2049. (the observer is a important as the observed)


A person’s current mental milieu contributes a lot to their appreciation of a film. Thus I shall begin with a background of mine in regards to 2049.


Has been one of the most affecting films I’ve watched. I’ve always been interested in AI, AL, and simulated reality. My first memories of thinking about AI was when I downloaded an AI psychiatrist program called ecceliza insert link. This was back in the mid 1990s if I recall correctly. It was a simple program. Nothing close to the neural, deep learning networks we have now. It was mostly prepackaged responses spitting back to the user what they typed in. It was a simple simulated simulation if one can call it that. Far from what we have now with Google assistant even.


I remember using dial up playing quake 2 and being super stoked when I found out that I could download bots to play against instead of paying for online time which was by the hour back then. I even remember to this day the name of the bots. CR Bot, Eraser Bot. And the fact that their shortfall was that they were too accurate in killing. Their aiming was too precise and an element of inaccuracy had to be programmed in to make it more human like fascinated me. I was so interested in bot programming that when I applied for university I even applied to do computer programming back in 1999. But I gave up on it because when I tried to learn C+ which I found out was how the bots were programmed, it was just too much too soon. Shit, I even failed Java like twice during my college years later on.


Through the years, (since I was about 13 in 1983) I’ve followed the development of AI, with watson, deep blue and currently alpha go. But these are specialised software not GANs. The best development currently now researching GAN would be Googles DeepMind and where they are heading imo.


I’m intrigued by AI and AL because I think in the gray areas of a real life and a simulated one lies the secret sauce of life. The unknown, the spirit or soul of life. The unconscious consciousness. The ghost in the machine if you will. I’ve always been interested in how something works and I find the ultimate question is what are we. And what is the nature of all aspects of our reality.




The notion of creation is central. To create is to be a God. Wallace and his drones are like a God and his or her angels. And angels (replicants) have no free will. So there’s also this notion of memory and free will. Are the memories of the replicants as valid as humans? Are their choices free will? Are our own human choices free will? Is there a difference whether something is real or fake as long as we believe it is real to us? These are the central themes to me in BR2049.


One thing don’t get is why not imprison suspected androids and do a bone marrow test only then kill them? Why the on the spot execution?

Replicants in Br world are harder to detect since humans at the time have many cybernetically augmented parts also. There’s a gray area where in some cases, humans are more replicant and the Replicants are more human.


Wake up and face yourself, Deckard. BR

Ironically religions have informed my thoughts on br, with its ideas on the duality of humans. That we’re split between mind and body. That was how I was raised to think about self within the definitions of the roman Catholic upbringing which I had. Somehow the body being split helps with the idea of sin and being broken. The word broken itself reflects something not whole. So to believe we are entities made from separate entities like a mind and body, split, is to believe we are broken in some way. And religions take that brokenness and use it to give us a solution. A created solution for a created problem that wasn’t there in the first place to begin with. That we as humans are whole, not broken. Our bodies are not sinful things, and our souls are not sometbing better or pure. It is all one and the same. And the more we see that, the more we allow ourselves to just be.


In a worldview that there is no separation of soul/body, then the replicates are as much human as we are. We are our bodies.

What is real vs simulated. The basic premise of 2049. Physically and mentally, conceptually even. Our notions and thoughts about the nature of reality objectively and subjectively.


If we keep asking the questions why enough times it will lead to the fringes of what 2049 is about. From the realm of what is real vs simulated, we inform our moral or ethical choices. We kill in video games. But not in real life. What if the simulation is as good as the physical world? Would the idea that murder is wrong still hold true in a 100% perfectly simulated world?


Blade Runner Original Movie

Opening, The eye, the observer and the observed. The world reflected and within. Where does it begin? Where does it end?

Pets life autonomy. Are we just pets? Both humans and replicants?

They may develop own emotions after some years so built in lifespan 4 years.

Deckard as a human or creator/owner also wants to own something that is real(his interest in real vs simulated pets) , not simulated just like Wallace/tyrell/God.

Pyramid Egyptian architecture.

The origami that Olmos keeps making. The stickman. Everyone wants to create life. Matchstick the life ends. Are we stickbeings? Or are we fully formed beings? Or does it make any difference?

If only you could see what I see with your eyes. – Roy

Nothing is worse than having an itch you cannot scratch – John

Wake up, time to die – John

Am not part of the business, I am the business – Sean Young

Book – after having sex with them, weather you can still kill them.

The eyes always the eyes. When the replicants kill humans they destroy the eyes. Thus destroying the line or the imaginary border between the observer and the observed, the real and the unreal, the human and the replicant.

Quite an experience to live in fear isn’t it? That’s what it means to be a slave. – Roy


Notes on Do Android Dream of Electric Sheep.

Do all androids want to own live animals? Why so?

Deckard as an android programmed to kill humans who are in charge of killing androids. Wow. Who truly thinks he’s human doing his job.

Covers depression, mercerism, empathy box,

“You will be required to do wrong no matter where you go. It is the basic condition of life, to be required to violate your own identity. At some time, every creature which lives must do so. It is the ultimate shadow, the defeat of creation; this is the curse at work, the curse that feeds on all life. Everywhere in the universe.” being hit by rocks.

Androids not having empathy but humans need an empathy box to feel empathy?

“Everything is true,” he said. “Everything anybody has ever thought.” He snapped on the car motor.

Miscreants and autistic of society warming up to replicants. Both their shortcomings resonate with each other.

Echo advertising and confirmation bias based on zeynep tufekci, creating extremists and fundamentalists

Buster Friendly

Rachael Rosen plan

Mercer Climbing the hill of empathy while being alone.

Life which we can no longer distinguish; life carefully buried up to its forehead in the carcass of a dead world. In every cinder of the universe Mercer probably perceives inconspicuous life. Now I know, he thought. And once having seen through Mercer’s eyes, I probably will never stop.

What’s more important? The feeling that one gets from something or the fact weather that thing that creates that feeling is real or fake?

“Mercer said it was wrong but I should do it anyhow. Really weird. Sometimes it’s better to do something wrong than right.”

“The killers that found Mercer in his sixteenth year, when they told him he couldn’t reverse time and bring things back to life again. So now all he can do is move along with life, going where it goes, to death. And the killers throw the rocks; it’s they who’re doing it. Still pursuing him. And all of us, actually.

Random Ideas Inspired by BR

Ai creating Digital drugs for AI itself

Emergent AI from multitudes of AI devices in the future. A virus that combines unused AI chips on mobile devices.

20180816 Thoughts

A shout out to all artists out there. Never stop creating for yourself instead of for money. If there ever comes a time when you realise all your work is paid work, alarm bells should start ringing. That’s when you lose your soul as an artist. At least here in Malaysia where a movie like Hantu Kak Limah makes the most amount of money. Always have a project you set a deadline for and pay attention to as much if not more than the jobs you’re paid for. Otherwise you’ll wake up one day and not know who the fuck you are as an artist. And it happens slowly over the years. It will get lonely though, but most truly original work stand alone. Until it connects with other souls who see it. So keep putting your own voice out there no matter how unfinished or unpolished you think it might be.

Bail and the poor

Try this, for 30 mins a day, just do nothing. Don’t think about money, surviving, looking at screens or books, anything at all. One tip to help is pretending you’re a cat or dog.

People with money always end up thinking their opinions are the ones that matter in a world where everyone wants money.

When an android plays a music piece perfectly, it is not creativity. It’s the chaos and errors that set the human spirit apart from the notion of perfection.

What if I was to live my life as an android, supposedly free from all morals or ethics or laws? No free will? Since it’s all programming anyway. No judgment to my actions? Ironically that would make my choices even more free than being human and all it implies.

Stills photography is one frame for eternity vs 24 frames per second for film. The rest are the same.

Humans are so hungry for order and patterns even when shown the most random, they will somehow find some order. And the more random and the more order that is seen, the more it says about the observer.

Watching a master movie, everything is engineered. So it takes all mental cylinders running to fully appreciate it. Or multiple viewings. Acting, music, set design, cinematography, plot and story and how it ties to all the other elements, there are too many elements to pay attention to if it’s all well designed.

Character life is too perfect make chaos

Duit for, do it.

Creativity, once defined, no longer is.

Sept 12

The strongest people in this world are the most vulnerable. Vulnerabilities when shared allows oneself to grow. And growth is strength.

True artists are the ones who don’t mind being ridiculed or laughed at, even ostracized by society.

When I start to realise that art is never perfect and I have to pick my stage of finish at one particular point and call that art, is what art is.

Everything and anything is right.

Why are people so obsessed with the truth? There is no one truth.

Art is making mistakes and showing them to the public. You gotta be brave to do art.

All art is work in progress. Even the finished ones.

Life isn’t a perfect artwork. It’s a perpetual sketch.

Colons lose their subtlety when overused.

The optimist believe we exist in the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears this is true. Hannibal

If the concept of hell didn’t exist, and eternal damnnation, imagine how free we would all be. How much more alive will we be? I wish that the concept of hell never existed.

Was in a conversation yesterday with pretty seasoned artists and art connoisseurs and the topic was culture and identity as a form of influence for creation of artworks. Everyone seemed obsessed with defining their culture or identity. Or at least seemed to think only art that is strong in identity and culture is good art. I beg to differ. Imo, the best are comes from a place beyond culture, race, identity or any form of definition. Sure one cannot escape one’s origins or one’s notion of self expressed internally in the form of culture etc, but to consciously only create art based on some form of fixed identity or culture is not all there is to art. Identity/culture worship does not make good art imo. I quoted artists like Jodorowsky, Trakovsky and Lynch and I got a backlash saying they’re all culturally influenced. Of course they are, but I don’t see them at all as people who worship any form of culture just to create good art. I didn’t even have a chance to mention people like Juan Miro, Kandinsky, HR Giger. Subconsciously sure, but they are not people I would say who are influenced by imposed culture or identity. But definitely their own sense of selves. Or an expression of their sense of selfs.

I wonder when did the rot we have in our Malaysian government start? Rahman? Mahatir? Did the British plant the seeds of it with racial segregation? Or is this just human nature within us all? Does power corrupt everyone? It seems that almost all 3rd/2nd world democratic country falls to kleptocracy, corruption and the leaders leeching off the people. Thing is different forms of government like socialism and communism also fall to the same bullshit. So I would think it’s not the system it’s us humans. Being humans. Though there are countries that seem to rise above. Look at the Scandanavians.

Bad choices make good stories

Great design simplifies a very complicated world. – Platon

There’s two ways to explore the universe. Going in and going out.

Insanity is hereditary, you get it from your children.

If you want an idea on what death is like, try to recall what it was like before you were born.

Ultra capacitor and lithium ion battery rail gun. Ion battery chargers ultra capacitors, there’s like maybe 24, and as each is discharged, the one discharged first gets recharged. As a bank to hold on to charges.

No mother is ever completely a child’s idea of what a mother should be but I suppose it works the other way around too. But dispite everything we didn’t do badly by one another. We did as well as most. – Handmaids Tale S2

sunlight emission blue green our eyes retina cones most sensitive to bg also. and camera sensors also

sunlight emission blue green our eyes retina cones most sensitive to bg also. and camera sensors also

Humans have a very narrow range that defines sanity. Most states of consciousness are insane.

To be free one needs to be able to change one’s fundamental drives.

I always like movies where the characters go deep down a wabbit hole. And they never find the wabbit. Give me some movie recommendations based on this.

What is a person if not a collection of choices? Where does those choices come from? Do I have a choice? Are any of my choices truly mine to begin with?

The matrix is a real world materialist story of transcendence and enlightenment. As opposed to a traditional spiritual awakening story.

How does a person who experiences something so alien when they come back they have to explain what they experienced in human words. Imagine an experience so foreign that our English vocabulary has no words to describe them. Imagine an experience so alien.

I don’t pretend to know how Bourdain felt and what it took for him to finally muster up the courage and strength to take his life. But I assume it must have been a lot. Our basic instinct is to keep surviving and living, to not die. It really saddens me. I cannot see the joy or the positive of killing oneself when one is physically healthy. But I assume being mentally unhealthy could be much worse. But in the end I know only we each of us individually have the right to choose to die or to keep on living. But I am happy he lived the way he did. I connected with what he said on many levels. And I’m suprised at how sad I feel at his passing. I feel I connected with him more than even most friends I have. I wish he decided to keep on living. But again I don’t know how it is to be in his place and his mind when he decided to kill himself.

And what I learnt from him is this.

You have something important to share. Share it. It doesn’t matter what it is. Don’t let anyone or anything tell you otherwise. You’ll never know who you touch and in what way. Be it good or bad. You’re a light and a light cannot shine if you hide it. Your time isn’t infinite. For every time you decide not to share a part of yourself, you’re denying someone out there your existance. And what is life not people interacting with each other? At least while you’re alive in the present sense.

The more you know the less you need

Therapy only works if we want to know ourselves as we are, not as we would like to be.

How did consciousness emerge?

If you can’t tell, does it matter?

They said there were two fathers, one above, one below. They lied. There was only ever the Devil. When you look up from the bottom, it was just his reflection, laughing back down at you. Westworld finally helped me figure out why God has such a wicked sense of humour.

I often think of film as the culmination and balance of opposites. Or at least the exploration of the gray between extremes on either side of a spectrum. Just as much as film is about escaping, it also a means of connection. I find its my task as a cinematographer to find this balance between connecting and escaping within every scene in a film. For those who find the world too overwhelming a place to learn and to live in, film is a means to focus and filter yet to keep experiencing. I myself have learnt a lot from the making and consumption of film. Because life can often be overwhelming. But then again, there is a constant struggle within film of the opposites. And finding the balance. So then again I find myself straddling between the overwhelming and the mundane within film.

Why do we like feeling powerful? Even at the cost of another’s displeasure or pain?

One way to fight the money based World we live in now is to make as much money as possible and spend as little as possible. Thus taking that created value out of the system. I’m pretty sure if everyone did this, our money based system will crash. We’re always told that money makes money, make more, spend more, there’s joy in spending. To live well is to be able to buy stuff easily. If you are not able to buy stuff easily it means you’re not successful. In our money based value system, isn’t that the ultimate measure of wealth? But we can destroy this or change it by not spending money on stuff, instead on things that matter like reducing our impact on this earth, caring for others basically. Like what in some ways Elon musk and Bill Gates are doing. But musk is a genius because he makes and impact on the environment. He feeds our need to buy stuff and have status through possession, with actions that actually help the environment. Like electric cars. Also his final drive to make us an interplanetary race. That’s just amazing. Bringing our human race to the next level where we will hopefully interact will aliens.

Would you worship and love a man who has a magic machine that would give you infinite pain for an infinite time if you don’t?

Objective truth is the source of all pain and misery in this world. And the people who insist on enforcing this truth on to others. Since they think it is objective.

On heaven and hell, and the circumstances people are born in. And judgment religions have on people. On the circumstances that they didn’t have a choice on.

I wonder how the world would look like if all our human innovation and creativity went to life and loving vs selling stuff and killing.

If they made gangs legal, the world will be a better place. Just let them do what they want. And if a crime happens, deal with that crime. Cause there’s a lot of good from gangs, but it’s always the bad side that gets all the press. A social group, teamwork, people helping each other the best they know how to make it in life overcoming their social circumstances. That’s some of the good from gangs from the top of my head.

Stupidity begins with thinking that anything has a fixed definition.

In my next life I wanna be born as a neutron star mixed with a starfish. If you were to drop an object 1 meter from the surface of a neutron star, it will hit the surface in one microsecond and accelerate up to 7,200,000 km/h.

A few people who have been trying to convince me recently had no clue about the number one technique of convincing someone. Listening and understanding vs what people do usually. Talking.

Every tombstone has to have a like/dislike button on it. So people can still keep rating and judging you after you’re dead. Imagine a whole cemetery with ratings on the tombstones.

Drawing of boxes, enhancement of current beliefs vs destruction of it. Animation make a box, and the box will be within a box or keep enhancing itself with more boxes or it destroys all boxes. Even conspiracy theories like Antares are boxes. Boxes we feed cause the truth of chaos is too much for one human brain to handle. To be happy is to know that any notions of right and wrong especially when it comes to any actions of self is an illusion. The thing is the thing. The words describing the thing is an illusion. The best debaters are the best illusionists.

Religion is preference demanding to be universal truth or dogma.

Conscious role playing vs unconscious. I decide. If it’s not conscious its unconscious but I always role play. Trying to put into reality my notion of self.

DMT and death

Only when I accept and fully live that there is no right or wrong, and when I release all illusion of self will I allow myself to be.


Finally at episode 13 I’m getting the genius of star trek discovery. The main driver of it is moral ambiguity. What’s right and what’s wrong? Is there a better way to be or is that just an illusion if infinite universes exist and there is an infinite amount of you out there, all doing everything you could have ever done, right or wrong. And it’s all being done now. There’s a sense of freedom in thinking that way. That makes anything you do free of judgement, right or wrong. Because it’s all being done right now in one of the infinite amount of universes. Wtf and the final twist that they came back 9 months into the future and the klingon won. Wooohooo…this is what I call Entertainment!

Do not regret loving someone Micheal – Sarek, Star Trek – Discovery

What if the original universe turns into the terran because of what tchalla said that humans have to conquer the klingons that’s the only way to stop them. So federation became terrans to stop the klingons. current

Best death ever lorca. Getting atomised by the power source of the universe the micillieal network.

How would the best version of yourself be in a parallel universe? Why not be that person now in this universe? Imagine a parallel universe where

How do we decide who to be in this life? What’s the best choices in our lives? What drives those choices? Does it matter what drives those choices? And who’s driving those initial choices? On what’s the best or what’s the right thing to do?

Nothing is 100% right or wrong. Anything is ok. And everything is equally neutral. When you are not imprisoned by notions of right or wrong that’s when you’re free to be you. We each individual always assume theres a best way to be, to think. But there’s 7.6 billion people out there and they all think that way. What do you think? Is that something i can assume? Everyone does think about the best way to be. And that we strive towards it. That we all think we’re behaving the best we can. But where would we get the idea to form our notions of right or wrong? Parents, friends, personal sensory input (self experience) anything we do or experience in life. And the more we change our notions of who this best person is, the more we change. It’s when you drop all judgements, that is when you’ll be truly free. But based on this logic, wouldn’t the worst criminals on earth be the most free people? Because they didn’t let social norms get in the way of what they wanted to do. They just went ahead. Hence there’s this constant struggle between the person we think we should be and the person we are. Maybe? The worse criminals don’t have that struggle. Just thinking out loud.

One of my favourite companies out there right now for innovation. They don’t hold back using the best tech. Offering amazing value for money. And always pushing the envelope for what you get vs what you pay. Kinda like Xiaomi. Of only there was a video camera company out there now that does that. Closely would be Panasonic I think. I really wish they made a full frame mirrorless video focused camera. Now that would be almost as awesome as DJI doing it.

And maybe brains like a cross between Alejandro Jodorowsky, Bjork, Einstein, Bach, Mozart, Salvador dali, Frank Herbert, Philip k dick, Anderson silva, “The Last Emperor” Fedor Emelianenko, Georges “Rush” St.pierre, everyone in this list, Buddha, jesus, all the best scientists of all time also. I’ll think of more later.

Every love story is a tragedy if you wait long enough – handmaid’s tale

Change is living and life will change me only if I let it.

What if the destination is you, it’s always been you?

Life and self is an illusion that dies the moment we stop feeding it. Consciously or unconsciously.

Any form of belief in any conceptual objective truth needs to be fed by an equal amount of ignorance.

Jesus is often misunderstood about being the son of God vs being God since what he means is there is no duality. He and we are one with the concept of God. That there is no God and us. We are one and the same. The romans hijacked his teachings to make us think there is a hierarchy. That there is a separation. A separation is needed for sin to exist. For heaven and hell, good and bad. Two sides cannot exist if there is only one side. And the one side is the reality that we are one and any notion of separation is sold to us so we are made to feel lesser than we are. That we lack. That we need something or someone to make us more or make us whole. When in reality there is no lack since we are already whole and one with this God concept. Making us think we lack is one of the best ways of control. When we think we lack, we seek to fill that lack, that void. We only have to realise that we’ve been fed lies throughout our lives. Lies in the shape of hijacked religion (used by politicians to control) and people who have a need to control and feed on the insecurities that they’ve created using hijacked religion that teaches that there is a hierarchy, a higher and lower, a better or a worse. A human or a God, a mind or a body. When in reality all those are just one. There is no room for the concept of heaven or hell, good or bad, sin, if the accept the idea that we are one with each other, one within (our own mind and body) and one with reality. That in reality there is no separation. All separation serves the cause of disunity and is the source of suffering and ego, and thinking its me vs you, us vs them. That there is a concept of right or wrong. When there is no such thing. It’s all lies sold to us to have is believe that we are broken, that we lack something and that we are lesser than what we really are. Whole.

So the way I understand it is, when jesus said he is the only way to God, I would take it as him meaning we in ourselves are a way to God. That we ourselves are our own saviours. That we can and do connect with God the same way he does. That he(we) and the Father are indeed one. At least that’s one interpretation of it. The interpretation that we are enough. And that we can be.

Am I just someone else’s dream or am I dreaming up someone else? And do we both ever wake up?

When the person dreaming me wakes up, where do I go?

Pkd ED s01ep05 were all sinners and we think we need to be punished even if our sins didn’t exist.

Journal – RIP Bourdain

I don’t pretend to know how Bourdain felt and what it took for him to finally muster up the courage and strength to take his life. But I assume it must have been a lot. Our basic instinct is to keep surviving and living, to not die. It really saddens me. I cannot see the joy or the positive of killing oneself when one is physically healthy. But I assume being mentally unhealthy could be much worse. But in the end I know only we each of us individually have the right to choose to die or to keep on living. But I am happy he lived the way he did. I connected with what he said on many levels. And I’m suprised at how sad I feel at his passing. I feel I connected with him more than even most friends I have. I wish he decided to keep on living. But again I don’t know how it is to be in his place and his mind when he decided to kill himself.

And what I learnt from him is this.

You have something important to share. Share it. It doesn’t matter what it is. Don’t let anyone or anything tell you otherwise. You’ll never know who you touch and in what way. Be it good or bad. You’re a light and a light cannot shine if you hide it. Your time isn’t infinite. For every time you decide not to share a part of yourself, you’re denying someone out there your existance. And what is life not people interacting with each other? At least while you’re alive in the present sense.